lauragsmithblog

Trying To Understand What Can Not Be Explained

To See Like Grace

The Beauty of GraceJournal Entry April 24, 2013

I could continuously say thank you for days and days but never say thank you enough to cover all the goodness and kindness we have experienced from this community, our family, friends and communities beyond! Eric and I are grateful beyond measure! Thank YOU!!

And, I could boast of Grace for days on end and never say all she is! …Grace continues to struggle for life but she is fighting so well. She still exudes nothing but grace, peace and confidence in her faith and in her God. It is humbling and inspiring to watch her faith in action! She is not lying in her bed, moaning and groaning, expecting God just to hand her a miracle. She is doing her part, even to her own hurt. She continues to throw-up but tries to drink and eat what she can, although it is very little. Certainly, it is not enough to sustain life. But, knowing the pain and nausea eating or drinking will cause, she still continues to do her part with a smile on her face and over-whelming kindness in her heart. Simply amazing!

She knows the tumors continue to grow, so much that she looks like she’s a few months pregnant but she is anchored in the fact she knows she will be healed. As I talked to her yesterday and told her how much I know her Heavenly Father is proud of her, how I know He is looking at her with a smile on His face because of her faith, tears streamed down my face. She asked, “Why are you crying Mama?” That is a very good question. I am overwhelmed with the love of my daughter, how proud I am of her, how pitiful her body looks but how strong her faith is. I have talked to my Father and confessed my weakness of not understanding her pain and suffering and wanting to be frustrated. But in an instant, when I thought of Grace and the goodness and love for her Father (with never and complaint or frustration in her heart or on her lips) I had to repent and simply ask, “Father, let me see like Grace sees!” And to His nature, His goodness shone down on me and I was lifted up in praise to the One who created Grace and loves her more than Eric or I possibly could. Sometimes it’s easy to inspire the ones who do not live with you. The ones who do not see the good, bad and ugly of behind closed doors. But let me be the first one to say, from one who lives with Grace and watches her constantly, she inspires me!

I talked with Grace Monday about her fight to live and where it comes from. The last thing I want is for her to be fighting for me or Eric. But she assured me she is fighting for her life because that is what is in her heart to do. She believes she has purpose here on this Earth yet to be fulfilled. Yesterday, she caught my arm as she teetered between waking and sleep, with groggy eyes she said, “For my 21st birthday I want me and a group of my friends to go to Panama City Beach!” I told her that sounded like a fun trip, sorry I was not invited! She mentioned it again before the night was over. While Grace sees the declining condition of her natural body, (she confessed in the wee hours of the morning after several bouts of throwing up and hurting that she knew her physical body was wearing out), she continues to believe she will be healed. We continue to stand with her! Thank you all for your continued prayers and constant expectation for what is to come! We do not live by what our natural eye sees but by the proceeding Word of God! God Bless You!

(What I received yesterday- Grace’s life is not being stolen by the Enemy. Grace is being held in the palm of her Father. She placed herself in God’s hand. She has given her life to Him. She is not in the hand of the Enemy. Her life is not taken, it is given. What the Father chooses to do with her is between Him and Grace. Grace does not belong to me and Eric. We are just His stewards. She belongs to Him. Our hearts have to remain at peace with what He chooses. If He holds her close and He chooses not release her and carry her on to be with Him, we will rejoice. If He holds her close and chooses to release her back to us, we will rejoice! To God be the Glory!)

Never the less, the preceding Word of God we keep hearing is, “Live, little Girl, LIVE!”

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This entry was posted on June 12, 2013 by and tagged , , , , .
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